I'll Give You "Lumpy."

Inspired by Sarah and Taz I have decided that I shall resurrect this blog for the purposes of archiving my pointless drivel once again. Hooray! It's been over a month!

I think there's just too much to summarise, to be honest. Bought a bike, shot one an event with over 950 cadets on parade, had a major diplomatic incident, finally got a new phone, had a couple of parties, took my GCSE exams and escaped death no fewer than eight times.

But, summer has begun. And I'm loving it, especially as the others are back at school this week. I'm enjoying lie-ins until 11 ish even more. Then breakfast, a pleasant cycle and the rest of the afternoon to do with what I please. Exxxxcelent, Monty Burns-style.

Wimbledon was good this year, and The World Cup also happened in the time I've been off line. Not much to say, I think! Useless donkeys. In contrast, DI had a successful couple of months, being hard pushed to get a team out a couple of times. And we had our Annual General Meeting, which [rather predictably] quickly became an Annual General Chat. Point is, we're not disbanding. For now.

We've worked so much in the past few weeks that Kenneth has been locked away in his flightcase in the hope that I won't take any more pictures for a little while - let's see how long that lasts! Joseph was so tired at a cricket match we covered, yesterday. Bless him, dead on his feet!

I had a lovely weekend with Dearest Taran. I helped with tech for his annual gymnastics display - which I pointed out was basically glorified dancing and was therefore lured there under false pretences. I spent the rehearsal complaining that I didn't have a desk on which to put our various bits of watered-down sound kit. He was a good girl and found me a desk, and after a quick bit of rewiring we got some Owl City on and had a sandwich.

The show went okay - there was the inevitable cock-up, but that wasn't our fault. If we'd been told the right song, I'd have loaded the right CD. The eyes of every gymnast, every coach and every single member of the audience fell upon me. IT WASN'T MY FAULT OKAY?

Afterwards we de-rigged in record time, bought a new inner-tube for my bike and boarded the lovely 84 back to Broughton. I walked home, fitted the inner-tube, had a swift jam sandwich and headed back to Lutterworth, to Taz's. We'd been invited to the afterparty, and willingly obliged. Change of shirt and we had a lovely evening with Katie and Nick...well I dad, Taz just got abused.

I've pretty much slept since.

Although I did rather enjoy a trip to Leire today, to see Sarah. I murdered the back of my leg on my crank, I may never walk properly again, but it was a very pleasant evening with a well-loved friend who I very nearly lost through my own stupidity. Very nearly spoiled, although I think we're beyond that.

And I've returned to Channel Four showing soft/medium porn in the interest in boosting ratings with the excuse of "Education."

So yeah - I'm back, bitches. Now, to add some more pertinent labels...

"You know you love me"

Bidz x

When A Plan Comes Together

It's that time of year again when our scripts are engraved into our heads, dance steps are rehearsed and rehearsed again, and every Tuesday and Wednesday night is lost to the theatre.

Polish your dancing shoes, kids - Croft Players return.

Producer Janice informed us last night that we have six rehearsals left until we get an audience is...just six. Wow.

I know Scene One. I know Scene Six too - that's only one line. But the introduction of dancing has really thrown any coherent memory of song lyrics, and yet again it's hard to find that balance between right steps and right words. As I said on stage last year, "Oh, Bollocks...."

I made a bit of a cock up - the phone number and Sat Matinee time on the posters were wrong. It actually got me down last night, since they've been printed, laminated and distributed. Fail.

Let's hope there're no such cock ups on the programmes, hey...

I'm also designing, rigging, colouring, focusing and programming the lights this year - and it's looking quite good, to be honest. Always nice to have that little bit extra, you know? This is our 35th anniversary show, and it'd be nice if we managed to do it well...

However, we are rigging the day after Hannah's birthday party. That'll be interesting!

www.croftplayers.co.uk

Kids: Don't drink.

Here's a bit of advice from Uncle Bidz, children.

Don't drink.

Not when you feel like this afterwards. However, at least I could walk and I didn't pass out on any pavements or anything this time!

Mummy is making me some eggs and soldiers. I need more tea. I reckon I also need sume ibuprofen and more sleep, but oh well...

Happy New Year

New Year's Eve is excellent if you're grumpy like me. I started this year drunk, and I intend to stay that way for as long as feasible...literally. I got up and had a Guinness. NYE = Excuse for a party. Cue Hannah. So here's the story of my passage into 2010...

Thursday morning, bright and cheery. I got out of bed at 8:55am, knocked on Hannah's door at 9am. With her brilliant Mum Sophie driving we went to a local supermarket and stocked up on party food and drink. We got back and started clearing space and making the house a little more party wise, under the watchful eye of the three cats which, incidentally, hate me.

I headed home at 11:15am and did a bit of hoovering for Mum, before heading back around the corner at noon with the sound kit. Several trips and a hand from Hannah soon moved various amplifiers, cables and speakers the short distance from my abode to hers. She did get sent back for Wilde (my iPod) as I'd forgotten it and can't soundcheck using the rubbish she has on hers...

I attempted multi-tasking and more or less pulled it off. The bass amp got wired up outside first, followed by a little bit of DIY to affix a plastic sheeting cover over the little outside area we'd created. Meanwhile, Hannah and Jess painted a bedsheet with the words "HAPPY NEW YEAR" on, which held some balloons to the ceiling which we let down at midnight. Cleverly, they'd managed to paint through the sheet and onto the wall it was pinned to. We laughed, Ryan arrived, more balloons got blown up, Sophie and I started on the Baileys and Take That were played as I carried on rigging the sound system, aided by pins, tacks, velcro ties, duct tape and of course my trusty hammer.

Ryan and I made a visit back to mine about 4pm to pick up an airbed and a gazebo. Then Jess and I came and picked up the computer which would be central to the night's sound system. Hannah and Ryan then came and picked up some fairy lights, and then a large amount of alcohol that David had dropped off. Slowly but surely, the whole system got wired, nailed down and then gaffa taped in place for good measure.

Cue some guests. The party got started, the booze started flowing, and by half ten chaos had erupted. This was mainly the fault of people who aren't used to drinking, drinking. Lots can be said and none of it is necessary, really, but everyone calmed down a bit and sorted each other out. Josh was on tea duty and I had two cups in five minutes, then Ella was sick all over my hands. Pleasant. However, a special mention is necessary for my good friend Joseph. Director of Photography for the British Young Photographers Association. Instrumental in the way the DI business works. A truly great friend. Not a great drinker. Not at all.

Anyhoo, we got things somewhat back on track by 11:50pm, and those that could still stand gathered in Sophie's front room to count down the seconds to 2010, aided by Big Ben on the television. And of course followed the greetings and kissing, and then a very shouty and un-lyrically-correct version of Auld Lang Syne. I then checked on Joseph who had taken refuge in the attic room, where I had designs on the bed... These plans were later flattened when Ella decided she was sleeping there. With my quilt.

After the pleasantries were appropriately and politely dealt with, I led a troop up to Charmaine's house where my Mum, Dad and sisters were celebrating. There were quite a few of us that went, and to be honest I don't really remember too much about who went, but I know that Josh and Lily did...we got back, did a tad more people-dealing, a spot more Joseph-checking and then went for a walk with Katie Lock.

Now, this didn't yield a lot more than hypothermia and for some reason we walked down a dead end street. And we played on the park, on the swings...then Lock magically got tripped up. Anyway, I'd had enough for all my memories from now onwards to be a little fuzzy around the edges, but there's not a lot a don't remember. I eventually slept beside Joseph.

The morning after the night before, and Henry got a bit stroppy before eventually buggering off out of everyone's hair. Josh made me a lovely coffee, milk, two sugars, and I surfaced to find the house in fair shape. Which meant Sophie was up already. Sean and David had disappeared, having cycled to McDonalds to get their breakfast. I was in awe for the rest of the day that they were open! I opened my last can of Guinness. Cue a bit of Facebook and a bit of Guitar Hero as our worse-for-wear guests cleaned up and shipped out. The grand operation of unwiring our lovely events venue then came about but I gave up after a short while and we watched Part One of the last Tennant Doctor Who episode on iPlayer.

The morning rolled into the afternoon and the sound system came apart and got put in the box, ready to go back home. Fiona made her way home and we moved the kit back round to my house, leaving me, Hannah, Jess and Ryan to have dinner and then kill a couple of hours before Dr Who Part Two. It was a lovely end to a lovely couple of days, and thanks and well done to Hannah, Soph and the cats for putting on a great night.

Happy New Year, best wishes to everyone and I hope 2010 is a prosperous and happy year for you all...

Cheese on Crackers

It's dead annoying when you think you've got something sussed, only to realise that in fact, you're talking bollocks.

Take today for example. I paid Hannah a visit to have a look about the house and work out how I'm going to wire the New Year's Eve sound system. Turns out that in actual fact what I'd originally planned is total rubbish, wouldn't work and had to be rethought.

Bugger.

Of course I did come up with a plan, only half convinced it's going to work, but I've given myself a whole seven hours to rig the place, so there shouldn't be any problems by the time the guests arrive at 7:30pm...

What did distract me was Jess, deciding that she was a photographer and stealing Kenneth. White Balance wasn't feeling to Automatic, so I set him to shoot in Monochrome and let her play. She wasn't too bad, I suppose. I quite like this shot of Hannah...

There's often a good reason to remove colour from a photograph, and this is one of them. A lovely candid caught particularly well. B+.

I'm now sat, bored, eating cheese on crackers. I'm not supposed to eat because of my anti-spottyfuck tablets, but nuts to it. I like Mexican cheese. I like crackers. I even like the bit of butter in between.

I guess I'll just have to be a spottyfuck.

A Winter Wonderland

Fourty minutes, entirely wasted. On one Florence song.

Evil iTunes didn't want to sync properly. Barney quite eagerly wanted a walk, but iTunes continued to be "Verifying" my iPod. Why? What is there to verify? Yes, iTunes, it's my iPod. It's the same one I've been plugging in all day. So much so that the battery is entirely charged. You even say that. But no, just because me and, increasingly so, the dog, want to go for a walk, it is now you choose not to work.

I gave up. I'm not a patient person, as a general rule the Irish aren't. I guess that iTunes took offence to Joe McElderry (hiss boo) being loaded onto it and decided to wait for an oppourtunity to get me back. It did so stunningly. I couldn't be bothered to wait any longer, so just unplugged the iPod badass style without ejecting, plugged in the earphones and harnessed up the hound.

I knew as soon as I stepped outside that I'd made a bad decision regarding shoes. I've had these odd blue things on all day. They're not mine, this is Croft, and the previous owner has done a good job in wearing the soles away. I slipped and slided around the corner to Hannah's, where I found my two best friends, and their two other halves. Ryan and Matt were quite happy to come walkies with me and Barney.

I removed my earphones and stowed my iPod in my coat pocket.

A bit more slipping and sliding ensued, and talk turned to Hannah's New Years Eve party. Ryan and I, crystal clear on what was going on, held most of the conversation, but we did try to involve Matt.

LS: "Are you coming to Hannah's New Years thing, Matt?"

MH: "When is it?"

How are we supposed to work with this? He came out with that almost immediately after:

MH: "Lads, how come there's no snow on the ground back there?"

RM: "That's because of the trees, Matt"

LS: *Laughs* + *Slips on ice becuase of crap shoes*

MH: "Oh, I hadn't seen the trees..."

No, he hadn't seen the huge trees on Bala Road that we'd just walked under. I love special people. Anyway, I then spent a few attempts trying to get the dog to pull me along on my flat shoes, husky / ski style. As I'm sure you can imagine, it was a failure.

Eventually I fell over.

The ice is still pretty slippy out there, but it's worse in other parts of the country. Airports have been closed, there's chaos on motorways and the Euro Tunnel have closed their Folkstone terminal. After I had returned Ryan and Matt to their respective girlfriends I got home, to hear the BBC News. Now, over the years British Rail have had a few good excuses, including The Wrong Type Of Rain and who could forget Leaves On The Track. But today was the turn of the Eurostar.

I think they picked up that old BR book, turned to the page for "Snow" and read the first excuse listed.

Apparently, the problem is "Fluffier than usual snow"

How ridiculous! Where's my iPod...huh, iTunes worked first time.

Bastard.